Jan 11, 2021

If you put a husband in quarantine…


he’ll live alone with himself upstairs, watch Amazon Prime and download Monopoly on the iPad.

He’ll start listening to Bible stories and text his wife about the fact that if God could use all those “messed up” people in the Bible for good? Then He’s sure to use us, too. (it’s true)

Then he will get bored and watch Netflix.

He will start to look around the master bedroom sitting area and consider a renovation.

Then he’ll remember about the plans that were drawn up a few years back. The one with the laundry room conversion and bookshelf sitting area.

When he remembers the laundry room plans, that will remind him that he needs a measuring tape.

He will text his wife to please bring one up.

Once he starts measuring, he’ll realize that he can’t leave the room to get the much-needed supplies. So he will text his wife “I’ll get a Home Depot list together for you”.

That will remind him that another thing he needs is food. His tumbly is rumbly.

He texts his wife again, so very nicely, and asks her for a snack.

When his wife arrives at the door with the food, she sees that he is marking off his measurements by jamming a pocket knife in the trim.

As she’s walking back down the stairs, the wife will stop abruptly as she hears him yell out in frustration”Gah Dangit! A four-foot measuring tape?!?!”

The measuring tape troubles will remind him that he is going to need more tools for this quarantine project.

He will text his wife and kindly ask for a hammer.

She will blatantly refuse.

The wife is afraid the carpet will be ripped up within the hour.

She will begin to get nervous about him being up there alone. With the too-short measuring tape and a pocket knife in the trim.

She will text him during the night. “Shouldn’t we think about this more?”

The Dots will appear within seconds followed by his response of “I know! I can’t stop thinking about it! Isn’t this great?!?”

Hours later, near midnight, he will send her another message called “Home Depot Shopping List”.

That will remind him, yet again, that he can’t leave the room to get to Home Depot.

That will remind him that he’s still alone and remember that he likes shows on Amazon Prime. He will pull out his iPad and notice that his suggested shows are called, 300 Days Alone and Solo Survival.

He will remember that the batteries are dead in the TV remote and will ask for new batteries.

The wife will happily appear with fresh batteries. But not a hammer.





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